Pumps for the Pump

Well, here we are. Oil’s threatening to pass $150 a barrel and a trip to the gas station has become a one-hundred-dollar splurge. Heightened transportation costs have sent commodity foodstuffs like corn, soy, milk and coffee beans spiraling ever upwards, making everything from cornflakes to lattes more expensive. With the buzz-o-meter set to “Peak Oil” and the G-8 warning about a global economic downturn, we start to free-associate something like: no fuel > wars > no fuel > riots > no food > Soylent Green (> Snake Plissken?) > “The Road.”

So out of concern for your mental wellbeing in this time of global crisis, we at Lori’s decided to do what we do best: sell you really cute, affordable shoes.

Since buying gas will shortly cost more than table service at your standard, over-hyped, shiny-shirt nightclub (and until they start running cars on Effen), going to the gas station won’t be a pretty experience … unless we make it one.

The following collection of pumps are simply meant for the pump. If we’ve got to pay a fortune, let’s at least look our best. Let’s treat that grungy old station like a place befitting a $100 cover. We may be drained of money, and the earth of oil, but we have our style, damnit. And the best part? These honeys are priced at less than a barrel of oil.

Black Gold: Calvin Klein’s Dolly $80
This straightforward black leather pump is perfect for the petrol station (and the office if you are looking for versatility). The classic silhouette boasts some beguiling details like a cleanly tapered three-inch heel and a padded gold leather insole. A pointed (but not pointy) toe give these a contemporary feel that will work well under jeans or with a pleated skirt.

A barrel of oil was this cheap in: September, 2007

Texas T-strap: Max Studio’s Zebra $146
Like a panhandle geyser of awl this four-inch heel will rocket you to glamorous new heights and we love, love, love the cute little rounded snub toe. The double t-strap reminds us of the yuan which, of course, reminds us of China’s controlling stake in our economy! Hey, it’s ok! It’s our own fault for spend-spend-spending! At least it’s fun! Ah, the ties that bind … also suitable with a knee-length skirt or short dress in a bold op-art pattern.

A barrel of oil was almost this much in: July, 2008

High Octane: Max Studio’s Xplore $164
We’d tear roustabouts and roughnecks into five easy pieces for a chance to wear these shoes. Like Varvatos’s take on Converse, the eyelets here are as necessary as triglyphs on the Acropolis, which is to say very, but not in a functional sense. This near-shootie comes in charcoal black but finishes in a light sweet crude black peeptoe for subtle color contrast.

We had best see you wearing these to the nearest Citgo, unfolding yourself from your black Passion Cabriolet wearing the whitest lacy blouse you can find with some seriously oversized sunglasses, preferably plastic.

A barrel of oil will probably cost this much in: September, 2008

Slicker than the Valdez: Oh Deer!’s Serena $130
How can we pick pumps for the pump without including patent leather … with a gold snakeskin heel? Are you kidding us?? Patent leather, originally a linseed oil-based coating, was replaced with plastic processes. Where does plastic come from? Natch. (We’re so on-message!)

Beyond themes, we love this shoe: glossy as the water on a Lake Erie boat dock, the punchy gold of the animal print-stamped heel is a real eye-grabber. Plus, we saw the pattern on the insole at an onsen in Takayama which gave just the greatest foot massage we’ve ever had. The rounded split toe has just the right amount of snub and lift. You are guaranteed cute feet in this one.

Wear these at your cubicle desk with a monotone tailored look and some ‘50s-era, black-plastic, sexy librarian hornrims while watching this. (Hey, we know he’s nuts, but anyone who calls W. Mr. Danger and controls 11% of our oil supply gets a nod.)